Thursday, June 16, 2011

It's 3am -- Crisis!


Ok fine, it's 4:30am or so now.... but remember Hilary Clinton's 3AM ad? And if there was ever proof needed that I'm really nothing more than an AverageNoOne, this morning, night, whatever you want to call 3am, should be proof enough for you.

So my pup, Allie, a black Labrador Retriever who I love more than anything, wakes me up most every day at 2:30am on the dot, still, even at 5, to go out. I don't know if it's habit or she really needs to go outside, it doesn't phase me at this point because I'm used to it 5 years later and it's not like I really need sleep anyhow. Plus, being the Paranoid Android with OCD habits (maybe dogs really do take after their owners) that I am, I have my own habit for the situation too. I grab my 9mm, turn on the lights, peak outside to make sure there is nothing and noone there, turn off the alarm, let her out and try to spy on her through the window, firearm in hand, until I let her back in safely and turn the alarm back on, then I get a few more hours of sleep, simple... average?

But this morning, night, whatever, was different. Seconds after I let her out, I saw Allie bolt across the yard, then I saw something small run the opposite direction with her still in chase, then she was back at the door, head down... and smelling worse than .... a Democrat, a decaying body, infant poo, or any other terrible smell you can think of. That thing she was chasing was a skunk; it's sprayed her.

And being an AverageNoOne, there I was, 3am, scubbing my dog in a bathroom and trying not to vomit from the smell. An hour or so later, with some baking soda, peroxide and dish soap, she smells almost as good as a dog can be expected to smell. Unfortunately for yours truly, the smell of skunk has filled the house. Fabreze everywhere, candles burning, white vinegar mopped the floors, still stinks. Why bother trying to sleep?

And really, the worst part about it... I have a great little .22LR rifle, a skunk out in the yard.... and NJ laws that prohibit me from exterminating the filthy rodent. I'm pretty sure this is the same skunk that I've spotted in the past that seems to have made a home in an abandoned house up the street from me. I hadn't called City Code Enforcement on the owners of the property in the past over the presence of the skunk, mostly because I hate to think of how much tax dollars it'll cost me to have someone go over there and inspect, and condemn the house, nor do I really want the City of Long Branch to violate the owner's property rights.... but after this, I think I might lookup who the owner is... maybe give them a call and let them know about the skunk... I'll call them.... at 2:30am.

PS: This blog entry STINKS, literally. I'm sorry to bother you with it; I promised Random Thoughts.

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